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Warden
 ♥ My name is Alicia. I go by ALMIGHTYALICIA on the net. musings
I adore loud stuff and bright colours. I am a HUGE movie buff. I also spend half my life watching various TV shows. I practically worship the Moon. And I like observing the clouds.
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Posted Thursday, August 02, 2018 // 3:09 pm
Can you seethe stars aligned for you to meet? Keeping you intertwined In a cluster of a thousand invisible lines. If you see what she sees, would you finally love yourself in a way that conjures riots when it is time to bid farewell? If you feel what she feels, would you finally understand a whole universe is resting silently within your hands. And if the stars no longer sing in her eyes, "Would you stick around?"
Does it mean that time isn't linear anymore?
"I think I've overstayed my welcome." She shuts her eyes felt her star's demise in his empty galaxy. She shuts her eyes and tries to cry but nothing ever came. How do you break-even the anguish of a heartbreak that remains unnamed? Posted Sunday, September 25, 2016 // 1:16 am
Maybe it is the night talkingMaybe it is the adrenaline Maybe it is my anxiety acting Or maybe it's all them making me high Maybe it's because I'm not over you Maybe it's because of how you look me in the eye Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic Or maybe I'm shooting empty dreams in the sky No, I don't think it's any of them Nor do I think it has to do with you No, I think I'm just frustrated Something is keeping me from shutting my eye Posted Thursday, September 15, 2016 // 12:09 pm
You stole something from meIt's not my heart, Because I can still feel it beating But you stole something from me It's not my faith, because I'm still believing It's not my breath, because I'm still breathing You stole something from me I think it is my time And I don't think I valued that time So I wish you stole something else from me
Posted Friday, September 09, 2016 // 8:43 am
Sometimes I think about my father in his final days on Earth. I wonder if he felt lonely. I wonder if he was sad.Then I wonder how he would look back in his death knowing how worthless all these emotions was a few days later. What a waste of time all these emotions was when in death, nothing is left. And I wonder if he regretted feeling that way. But I realised I am probably ten years too late thinking about him in his final days.
Posted Sunday, May 29, 2016 // 10:14 pm
I have this gigantic urge in my system, where I just want to disappear somewhere. Anywhere that nobody knows my name, and everything that I've done. Where I vanish from the world that I carved for myself in the past 21 years. Leave everything I know and everyone I ever crossed path with. To the most remote corner of the Earth, delete every trace of Alicia Chong and start again.I want to erase everything I have done from all the people I have done to. All the good and the bad. Especially the good. Because sometimes, I do something good to someone else, but I feel so shit after that. Like my actions impact this person positively, but if I were to tell someone about it, it's bragging. And if I don't, my esteem eats itself up by replaying the action and reminding myself that such kindness will not reformulate as karma for myself. I am striving to be the one and only ace person who puts others before themselves when the rest of the world is only looking out for themselves. I can never find someone who would put me before them. Myself included. And isn't that pathetic? That I don't have that. And I might never because I don't seem to ever be able to convince myself to be kinder to myself. To put my needs before others and rid this subservient attitude of mine. Worst part of it all is when my friends see me as a good person. Because I'm not good, I'm not nice, especially not to myself. Does anyone realise how destructive that is? I can break myself for people who don't even matter. I can break myself for people because I don't feel worthy enough. That's the damaging part of my niceness that you see and love. Also the part that I see and hate. I wish I was evil. Maybe if I get away and try again, I'll be unapologetically and unforgivably bad. Perhaps I just needed to get this thought out. Write it somewhere, store it some place and let it rot away from me. I sincerely wish that is the case. Because I don't want to give myself crap for being nice anymore. I don't want to feel this way and wreck myself over it. I don't want to see people showing pity in their gaze towards me because I was trampled over for being nice, or taken advantage of, or cracking in the seams because I put someone else before myself. Posted Monday, May 23, 2016 // 12:38 am
"I imagined her at her closet, deciding what you'd wear to go learn something about your child that just might break your heart." Posted Saturday, April 23, 2016 // 8:57 pm
You don't know I love you. And you probably would never know how much. You may suspect that I love you, but it is not strong enough for you to clear your doubt. You may never decide to clear it. And I might never tell you I love you. I might end up as the biggest joke in the world, the biggest irony in history. The loudest person with the least amount of courage in her system. Though, courage, pride, they always seem to come hand in hand for me. I'm too proud to admit to you that I love you. Because I am not brave enough to hear you say the feeling is not mutual. So I let myself fall. Deeper and harder for a shadow. A shadow I would only whisper my love for in the dark when I am alone and drowsy. You are a phone call I would make up reasons to dial. You are an excuse I would make up to stay awake. I know, I'm putting too much of myself in you. I am well aware of the dangers in that, but I still dive, head over heels. It is either I never learn, or you are worth the leap. I haven't figure that out yet. I think I don't have the courage to think that far.
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