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Warden
 ♥ My name is Alicia. I go by ALMIGHTYALICIA on the net. musings
I adore loud stuff and bright colours. I am a HUGE movie buff. I also spend half my life watching various TV shows. I practically worship the Moon. And I like observing the clouds.
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Posted Monday, June 04, 2012 // 8:03 pm
Six whole years
 I have my new phone starting its service on the first of June. I mentioned before how much I love my Nokia phone. I love it so much. It has been through so much with me and it never failed me. Sometimes when I am feeling really down, I would play my songs and I have this habit of shuffling them, and it just kept playing those that are depressing at first to make me in the mood, then slowly played those that has its message to perk me up. Call it magic but I guess that's why I loved it. It was pretty painful seeing it has absolutely no signal now. And the SIM card registration message kept popping out. It makes me feel kind of empty. Coincidentally, 6 years ago, my father passed away. So I guess I was mourning for my dad with my phone being his physical representation. But can you really blame me? First of June is probably the date I hate the most. Cause whatever I do, there's just the constant reminder that my dad died today -blank- years ago. I still tear up, okay who am I kidding? I still brawl my eyes out when I think about him once in a while. But I try not to let myself do that anymore. It's not that I want to stop the emotions in me when I am overwhelmed with depressing feelings. I simple began to realise how crying is actually a waste of time, and one thing he has taught me was that I don't have a lot of time to spare. Life is that short. I don't think I've moved on from my father's passing. And I doubt I'll ever feel fine with it. But I know that life goes on and sometimes dwelling on such things just take more away from me than allowing me to take anything from it. You don't move on, you just get used to it. I've grown to push necessary feelings aside too to push myself forward so I would stop living in the past. Cause once I allow myself to dwell, I take my own sweet fucking time and never let it go. Life is too short to be unhappy, I can't let all these things affect me. Those who left when I need them most need to go the fuck off from my life completely. Those who refused to accept me for who I am and who I've grown to be would have to change what they think about change instead. I don't have time to change and neither do I have time to please you. If you can't take me for who I am, it's not my problem and I don't keep stagnant just for one person. I really don't have a lot of time. Yeah, of course I'll be upset initially but I always tell myself that as long as I don't feel like I've let myself down, as long as I am happy, I don't have to be responsible for what people feel towards me. That upset feeling would sooner or later die down and I'll just be numb. Numb in a sense that I don't give fuck anymore, and numb in a sense that I don't bother caring. I am comfortable with who I am now, and that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I know it is extremely rare for someone to be okay with themselves, be it physically or mentally. And I am not just okay, I am proud of myself. I wonder when that became an issue but then again, it doesn't matter. I am satisfied with how life is and I know that only I can decide what goes on in my life. I can screw it up by going back to the past or I could just stay curious and fearless about what is in stores for me. And that excites me so much. Fearlessness excites me so damn much. Labels: fake friends, feeling down, i love my handphone, love |