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Warden
 ♥ My name is Alicia. I go by ALMIGHTYALICIA on the net. musings
I adore loud stuff and bright colours. I am a HUGE movie buff. I also spend half my life watching various TV shows. I practically worship the Moon. And I like observing the clouds.
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Posted Saturday, August 24, 2013 // 4:31 pm
I strongly believe that is one of the most ridiculous question to ask a single person. How am I suppose to know what I want? I am only eighteen. I haven't had a kid, therefore I don't know and can't tell if my other half could be a good father or not. I'm still a virgin who is terrified of the prospect of a sexual organ that differs from my own so who cares if he would be "strong" or not. I don't even know if I mind laying my lips on another human being that has exceeded the age of 3. How am I to know what standards to set when I don't even know what standards there are to be affirmed? I don't even have a clue what love is. It's everchanging in the books and movies that I read and watch. All I could grasp of it is that it involves timing. Like 90% of whether the thing would work or not depends on fucking timing. And I don't have good timing. What if I feel something with someone who is already attached? Or worse, married? What if the man I am supposed to be fated to be with is 60 years old and dying? What if he is Scandinavian, or Russian, or even an Eskimo and in this life I would never receive a chance to go to any of the countries? Or I could but he was conveniently "out of town". What if he is bedridden because of a fatal disease, or he is wheelchair bounded because of an accident when he was young? What if he has yet to be born? What if he is already dead? My point is, what do I know about the man I am supposed to be with? How could I know? I have no clue what he looks like when I haven't even met him. What bases must I use to judge his character to ensure "he is right for me" when I might not even be "the one" for him? It's a question with no answers because it takes place in the future. I don't know and I can't tell the future like the witch in the carnival with a crystal ball and sunken eyes. I can't ask for a highly intelligent extraterrestrial if a goofball is the one that makes me happy. I can't ask for a drop dead gorgeous model if I feel inferior standing next to him with another girl making googly eyes at him. It's just, there is no telling and I don't want to be disappointed if it really happens on me but yet I have all these standards for him to meet when all he might want to do is to love me with all his life. I can't ask because it won't be fair. And love should be a fair game. Love is a "need" and having all these crazy ideas is merely a "want". And frankly, with love, you only need one thing, and that's timing. You can fall in love with anyone at anytime. But whether love will happen between 2 people, that is the rare and special part. And that is the hardest part as well... Posted Monday, June 04, 2012 // 8:03 pm
Six whole years
 I have my new phone starting its service on the first of June. I mentioned before how much I love my Nokia phone. I love it so much. It has been through so much with me and it never failed me. Sometimes when I am feeling really down, I would play my songs and I have this habit of shuffling them, and it just kept playing those that are depressing at first to make me in the mood, then slowly played those that has its message to perk me up. Call it magic but I guess that's why I loved it. It was pretty painful seeing it has absolutely no signal now. And the SIM card registration message kept popping out. It makes me feel kind of empty. Coincidentally, 6 years ago, my father passed away. So I guess I was mourning for my dad with my phone being his physical representation. But can you really blame me? First of June is probably the date I hate the most. Cause whatever I do, there's just the constant reminder that my dad died today -blank- years ago. I still tear up, okay who am I kidding? I still brawl my eyes out when I think about him once in a while. But I try not to let myself do that anymore. It's not that I want to stop the emotions in me when I am overwhelmed with depressing feelings. I simple began to realise how crying is actually a waste of time, and one thing he has taught me was that I don't have a lot of time to spare. Life is that short. I don't think I've moved on from my father's passing. And I doubt I'll ever feel fine with it. But I know that life goes on and sometimes dwelling on such things just take more away from me than allowing me to take anything from it. You don't move on, you just get used to it. I've grown to push necessary feelings aside too to push myself forward so I would stop living in the past. Cause once I allow myself to dwell, I take my own sweet fucking time and never let it go. Life is too short to be unhappy, I can't let all these things affect me. Those who left when I need them most need to go the fuck off from my life completely. Those who refused to accept me for who I am and who I've grown to be would have to change what they think about change instead. I don't have time to change and neither do I have time to please you. If you can't take me for who I am, it's not my problem and I don't keep stagnant just for one person. I really don't have a lot of time. Yeah, of course I'll be upset initially but I always tell myself that as long as I don't feel like I've let myself down, as long as I am happy, I don't have to be responsible for what people feel towards me. That upset feeling would sooner or later die down and I'll just be numb. Numb in a sense that I don't give fuck anymore, and numb in a sense that I don't bother caring. I am comfortable with who I am now, and that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. I know it is extremely rare for someone to be okay with themselves, be it physically or mentally. And I am not just okay, I am proud of myself. I wonder when that became an issue but then again, it doesn't matter. I am satisfied with how life is and I know that only I can decide what goes on in my life. I can screw it up by going back to the past or I could just stay curious and fearless about what is in stores for me. And that excites me so much. Fearlessness excites me so damn much. Labels: fake friends, feeling down, i love my handphone, love Posted Saturday, May 12, 2012 // 11:27 pm
There will be no stress they said
 In short, I'm busy again and that is always good because I like to see every single minute of my time being fully utilized. I hate wasting time. As much as I hate wasting food. Alicia + Food, rocking since 1995. Brought the loaned out camera from school to musical rehearsal today. Had a lot of fun taking weird photos and Safiy constantly posing for my camera even when it is off. Crazy guy who can't dance. >:) Took a bunch of unnecessary photos too. Quite funny. :D I uploaded all of them with the promised captions. I rarely bother to do so. I fabulously drew this with only my left hand. My hand muscles are surprisingly cooperating this time. I usually produce rubbish when I do shit with my left hand.  Learnt how to use Illustrator this week to produce actual and acceptable work. I'm rather pleased with how I'm doing. I think I can really create a simple work by now. And I really like typography. If only I'm not so late to use my brain and move my fingers to get to work. But fuck it, I'm lazy, and I like it. Been texting Sam, Ying Hui and Keh Jun this past week to make me feel a little sane. Boy I can only imagine my phone bill... Hope I don't die of over usage... Honestly, if I don't text them, I will die of lack of laughter or something. Like Rachel Berry needs applause to live, I just need laughter. It's important to me. It is my favourite sound. My godmum's birthday was on Monday. Had the biggest meal since forever that night. There was so much food. There was even a chocolate cake. My heart could not take that amount of seduction. Food turns me on. I made a list of people to meet up during the June Holidays. Right now, at this rate, 5 of 14 days are booked. I have assignments due after the holidays too. But I'm just happy because I know I would be pretty booked. My whole time concept, it's golden. Photography is tough and I don't like that. I mean, I just want the photo to be clear. I don't need fucking rule of third or aperture to set my photos in that manner. It's exhausting... And I have to travel. :( Don't get me wrong, I don't mind that. It just cost A LOT more to go from one place to another now. Stupid adult fare. Fucking rip off. Oh I must wake up early to catch some morning light. Some au naturel gotta work or else people will be looking at a very unhappy and crappy Alicia tomorrow. DO NOT RAIN PLEASE. Labels: drawing, food, gay marriage, i am talented, love, money, poly, school is killing me Posted Thursday, April 12, 2012 // 11:43 am
When you let the rain keep pouring
 There would be me, all cuddled up on my bed and I would scroll along the web looking for things to read on. Then when that happens, I start to speak to the computer like, "You don't say!", as though it understands me. I'm a gossipy and I like it, dammit. But right now I'm just in pain. I think I danced too hard yesterday at rehearsals. My back muscles, which I didn't know existed, is giving me hell right now. While dancing yesterday, I thought only my arms will suffer like crazy. It was burning up and it was so red with all the blood pumping so feverishly. Nicole thought I smack my arms or something to achieve that effect. It sucks. My lower back hurts when I stand up straight. And I don't like hunching when I'm standing. I'm already short enough, stupid back. But I really love all the dancing yesterday. Like two-three hours of nonstop dancing. The best. I was sweating a whole lot. Moving like I've never stopped dancing. My heart pumping on pure adrenaline. My legs were really beat by the end of the day but I loved it. I missed that feeling so much. I almost forgot that I love dancing. Screw, I am not the best dancer in the bunch. But the whole grooving to the music, learning new steps, the next move is a whole new, fresh dance step, I live for that too. The excitement of nailing a new move, knowing the steps well enough to make goofy faces and not messing up, fantastic. Chinese Dance must have scarred me deep for me to swear off dance for a year or so. Oh and there was a little acting gig at the end which reignites the drama flame in me. Yes, I got back the joy and anticipation of seeing what life has to offer to me. That fearless to face the obstacles that often find its way to deny me of anything I can actually do. Actually, I find myself shameless when acting, more of. I throw away the fear, place an inexplicable amount of trust in my partner and do things deemed too disgusting to be done outside the stage. I can't explain my lack of fear. I simple trust when I'm acting. I just feel that if you don't trust your costar when acting, your costar can feel that, and that lack of trust is just a very unnecessary bouder when you have your work at stake. Similarly, when you have that basic trust for each other, you have faith that the scene won't be a disaster and a reassurance that you have your costar believing in you when the world doesn't. I see acting as a two-way relationship. So I never want to disrespect the people I'm working with. Unless, of course, I have already offended them and they are just narrow-minded people. Well then I'll say I was a bitch for picking a fight with non-professional bitches. During the dance, there was this one run when Kenneth messed up one step completely and everybody sort of always look at him when dancing to make sure they are doing the right thing. And there was me and Kabir dancing correctly, totally ignoring his moves. Kabir and I was smiling so victoriously when the music stopped because we know we did something right when everyone else was wrong. It's like getting a higher grade than the subject geek. That's for laughing at me when Miss Tnee announced that my photo for the medallion will be out today. >:) Labels: addiction, dance, drama, love Posted Sunday, March 04, 2012 // 5:03 pm
One True Pairing
 I can't put them in order because if I ever try to do so, I would go straight to the hell I made for people I really hate. Okay time out a little, my shorts are ridiculously short right now. I can see my stretch marks. Argh, feel like a slut now. Okay I'm at home, nobody would see this. Okay let's start the list of OTPs.
Well I suppose there should be a valid reason for my compulsive habit of watching and re-watching every episode of The Nanny even though I probably wasn't yet born when it aired. And I was barely in my tweens to watch such TV shows. I mean, you got to admit, you don't let your kids watch such shows when they are like seven, eight years old. -guilty- It's funny and touching, and I especially love how they approach teenagers issue in such a light-hearted manner. Fran basically taught me how to be a teenager, how to act and all. I love them
I am completely in love with the entire show and mainly them. I think I do still remember the exact sequence of their relationship throughout the show, though I probably am a little rusty by now. Okay but the whole "The Thing" drama and too-close-to-happen always get me excited about the show in general. How Fran appeared in Maxwell's life when his was in ruins after his wife's death. She basically saved his life and his family. She is his answered prayers and I always get a little emotional thinking about that. How they progressed and all.
Let's just say they are made to be together from the very beginning, and they never failed to make me feel like they are not perfect together.
I am a sucker for all friends to lovers relationships. And here comes one that fits the bill completely. I understand that they weren't even supposed to be hitched together until season five or something. But now that I am watching seasons 1 to 3, I get unusually excited to see hints of them possibly being lovers.
Oh and when Chandler proposes to Monica, god that scene makes me wanna cry every single time I see it. I think I would, if I were to start following their entire relationship progression. They are seriously like, two halves finally becoming a whole after taking detours and all. He has his imperfections and she is basically neurotic, but them together are just perfect.
Well, maybe I just like the fact that Chandler is not only her husband, but also her best friend. :) And also how Chandler would do anything to make her happy.
I love every pairings in Modern Family, to be perfectly honest. Jay and Gloria, Phil and Claire. They are all perfect together. But for some reason, I am more into Mitchell and Cameron. Maybe because they are gay. Maybe because they are so very dramatic. Maybe because they make me laugh the hardest. I don't know. But I find this pairing the most funny and the most inspiring.
Before I started watching Modern Family, I never understood how a gay family functions. And my idea of it was pretty bad considering I watched The Kids Are Alright before watching Modern Family. And erm, if you don't know what went down in The Kids Are Alright, basically the gay family was a wreck. But Cam and Mitch brings audiences to understand the details of a gay family and how they can work with love and care in a house of three. Their love makes me feel good and I don't know, hopeful? Like I would find my realist/dreamer one day.
I know they are not really a couple at all but I ship them ever since the first season. I mean, honestly, which guy from work would come to your doorstep in the night after office hours to ask for your forgiveness for something his bro came up with him. He would practically put hoes before bros, though Betty is someone you just don't associate with hoes, but you get the drift.
And their obliviousness to their co-dependence is so amusing to watch. They can't live without each other because they are so used to each other being around. Yet they don't know just how much they need each other in their lives. Alright, maybe just Daniel but at least they finally know eventually.
I swoon over every time Daniel approaches Betty for whatever problems he has. And Betty just never fails to be there for him. Their relationship definitely went beyond coworkers/friends. And I always hope for that to go further though it never exactly. But nonetheless enough to leave the mind to expand on that.
If it's not for Klaine, I would have never watched this show. I love the way they gaze at each other and the amount of love between them that is enough to make one good outsider blush. They have such passion for each other. They would protect each other by all means. Klaine makes everything better, basically.
And everyone knows how much of a fan I am of Darren Criss so that's just icing on the cake.
I never even watch Gossip Girl before, okay maybe two episodes, but ever since tumblr and Clarissa, I am convinced that Chair belong to each other. And I don't know, I just ship them. When I think of one, I thought of the other together. I don't like her with anyone else really. Cause I just get it that Chuck truly treats her as his one true love and he is just, I guess, perfect with her. Alright that's a bit messed up considering I've never watched GG but I ship Chuck and Blair. Deal with it.
Labels: F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Glee, i watch tv, Klaine, love, Modern Family, otp, ugly betty Posted Sunday, October 23, 2011 // 12:29 pm
But I probably never was ever in it
 I love Alex and Gigi's kissing scenes and I was squealing on the inside for them. And then I do what I always do, I tell myself, "Those stupid gentleman shit only happens in the movies". There is no way a guy goes all out for a girl, it's technically impossible to be able to reach her place in 10 minutes anyways. Terrible, terrible feeling. And before that I was rummaging through my contacts to find someone to chat and I have to catergorise them into so many different types of friends. The friend that is taken, the friend who always has tuition, the friend who refuses to pick up my call, the frenemy. EXHAUSTING. It's not that I am searching for the one right now or like complaining about my friends but I guess deep down inside everybody's heart, we just want to know that someone would be there when we become old and useless. And that that someone would not leave and leave you all by yourself against this cruel-ass world. That kinda inner support and encouragement to pull through the fearful future awaiting for all of us lonely souls. Sure, we still have our parents but let's face it, they are not here forever, unless we die first. Argh I hate what romcom manage to indoctrinate into me. I am a fairly independent lady dammit. I am capable of taking care of myself when I grow old and even when I am lying on my deathbed alright. I still need more work in that aspect. Labels: feeling lousy about myself, forever alone, love, movie |